7 Quick Takes about Lessons in Pets, Backpack Cleanouts, and Fancy Cupcakes

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

My 19-year-old is dog sitting for a friend of ours. She goes over to their house several times a day to walk and play with Ginger, but I’m sure Ginger gets bored being there without her family so my daughter brought her over here for a couple of days to have some more company.

She’s the sweetest dog, and before long I was wondering if I should reconsider my strict “no pets who don’t live in a cage” policy. As time went on, though, Ginger eventually started testing the boundaries, trying to steal food off the counter or get into the trash.

I was kind of glad that the kids got a taste of dog ownership, and it’s not all laughter and tummy rubs. Sometimes it can be exasperating, too. After Ginger went home I asked the kids, "Did you notice how the more comfortable Ginger got here, the naughtier she got?"

"Kind of like us!" my son said. There was a moment of silence and he added, "I shouldn't have said that."

—2—

One thing that drives me crazy is the dreaded “toilet paper shelf.” If you have kids or possibly a husband, you know what I mean. Someone is too lazy to actually dispose of the empty cardboard roll, load a new roll onto the rod, and fit it back into the fixture, and instead just plonks a new roll up on top of the empty one and leaves the bathroom like a sociopath.

Today I went in the bathroom and noted with pleasant surprise that someone had changed the roll. Properly, all the way. 

But the old cardboard roll in the trash can still had a foot of toilet paper on it, which was wasteful and kind of perplexing. It meant that whoever changed the roll could have just used the perfectly good paper that they threw away instead.

I wasn’t sure whether to be upset or happy, so I settled for both and didn’t say anything to anyone.

—3—

I was back asking ChatGPT about time management and logistics again. It gave me some ridiculous sample schedule for my day, so I explained that I usually have to make 6-10 kid pickups or drop offs per day, with each ride lasting anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour, and I don’t get to pick convenient times for any of my kids’ shifts at work, their sports practices, or their best friend’s birthday party. I can’t schedule “craft time” from 10-12 or whatever nonsense it thinks I can do. 

ChatGPT responded: “Thank you, that’s a huge piece of context. You’re not a typical stay-at-home mom; you’re more like a logistics coordinator for a small company that also happens to live in your house.”

Okay, but that’s totally what a stay-at-home mom is. What’s a “typical” stay-at-home mom, ChatGPT? One who spends all day eating bon-bons and watching “90-Day Fiancé”?

—4—

Phillip wants to run a mile in under 5 minutes and he’s been working at it for a while, but is starting to wonder if it’s even possible to do for the first time at 44 years old. So I Googled it, and pulled up a Reddit thread that asked “Am I too old to break a sub-5 mile?”

I scanned the thread and saw lots of guys going on about running-related things that didn’t answer the question, criticizing the OP’s question, other guys coming to his defense, and then more guys attacking the guys who defended him, and guys pointing out small technicalities in other answers they disagreed with.

“What is this?” I asked. “I usually find really helpful answers on Reddit.”

“That’s because it’s all men on this thread,” Phillip said.

“So, this is what happens when you have a bunch of men all mansplaining to each other?”

“Yes! We don’t do that because we think women are stupid, we do that because we think everyone’s stupid.”

That makes sense.

—5—

Usually this happens on the literal first day of summer vacation, but I waited until now to make my kids clean out their backpacks (I’m trying to be a cool mom, not a regular mom, by being chill about their school crap needlessly cluttering up the entryway). 

My 3rd grader pulled some papers out of his folder and said, “This is for a story. I never wrote it but I think I want to write it this summer.”

In case the mustache doesn't give it away, this is the bad guy. And here is his character profile for help writing the story:

Name: Moneyman   Personality: Mean   Like: Robbing Banks   Dislikes: Meat

In particular I want to see how not liking meat is so foundational to his character that it's literally 25% of his personality. Seriously, I've read YA book jackets that didn't get me as interested in the story as this.

—6—

My 13-year-old would make us dessert for after every meal if she could, but I won’t let her, so she settles for making the Family Home Evening treat every week. Family Home Evening is like a weekly family devotional, with a spiritual thought/activity and a treat afterward. This week she asked if she could make cupcakes and I told her sure, but we didn’t have a lesson yet.

“That’s not my specialty,” she shrugged, and went on to make these:

Just your average Monday night cupcakes, nothing special.

She also made cookies for our new next door neighbors. We had to go over there three times before we actually caught them at home to deliver them, we thought we were going to have to just eat the cookies ourselves and make a second batch to try again. Actually, my daughter would have loved that.

—7—

Phillip and I are planning a short belated anniversary trip. We’re designating each of the older kids to be in charge at home for one day, making sure everyone gets food and rides.

"When are you coming back?" My 19-year-old asked us. "Or are you?"

I shrugged. "We planned on being gone for 3 days, but on the last day how about you send me a picture of the state of the kitchen? Put that day's newspaper on the counter so we know it’s current. We'll decide based on the photo."

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7 Quick Takes about Being Waldo, Homeless Bags, and How Kielbasa Is Saving Our Summer

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

I lead the teenagers at church, and we do weekly activities. We can do anything that interests the girls, really, so we do all kinds of stuff. This week we had a Real Life Where's Waldo activity, and it was so fun.

I got the idea here and the girls thought it sounded like fun. So all the youth group leaders put on disguises and headed to the grocery store where the girls split up into teams and searched for us. 

As I snuck out of the house in my wig and glasses (I didn't want to spoil it for my own teenager if she saw me first) I heard my 11-year-old asking, "Who was that?"

Pretending to shop in the store and hearing the girls scampering around behind us, recognizing their individual voices as they whispered excitedly to each other "How many Waldos are here?" and "Where do you think they are?" was so much fun. They had a really good time, too.

—2—

When I got home, of course all the kids wanted to try on my borrowed wig. When it was my 9-year-old son's turn, he yelled "Hair flip!" and tossed his head to the side like he was trying to get the hair to sweep over his shoulder like girls do.

But it didn't work.

"Hair flip!" he tried again, but he was still unsuccessful. The hair stayed where it was.

Frustrated, he turned to me and demanded, "How do y'all do this?!"

—3—

This week was end-of-school year everything. I helped a friend with her daughter's graduation party, and attended a graduation "clap-off" for my 5th grader.

While we were there, this guy's shirt caught my eye:

First, I love this shirt. Second, I didn't get too close to the woman in the white skirt, just in case.

Today is Phillip's and my anniversary, and I joked that I was going to get him this shirt. He squinted his eyes at the blurry picture and read, "'I love mentally unstable women.' Hey, that's perfect! I've got four of them!" I'm sure that our three daughters would be thrilled to know that they're included, as well.

—4—

Our traditional Father's Day gift is deep cleaning Phillip's car. We vacuum the floors, scrub the seats, wash both sides of the windows, dust the dashboard, and hose off the outside of the car. The car desperately needed all of these things.

Made sense for the younger two to clean the backseat, since they made most of the mess back there.

The 13-year-old was in charge of taking out random pens, water bottles, and other odds and ends that had accumulated in the car. Holding up a big Ziploc bag filled with toiletries and snacks (pictured on top of the car in the picture) she asked, "What's this?"

"That stays in the car," I said. "It's a homeless bag."

At a church activity a few weeks ago, my boys assembled homeless bags to give out to people on the corner asking for help. But apparently that wasn't clear from my answer, because she just said, "Sooo... you're kicking Dad out?"

—5—

Now that we're officially on summer vacation, it's a new kind of crazy. I'm excited that I no longer have to wake kids up for school, but having them home full-time brings its own set of challenges. The calculus involved in sharing 3 vehicles among 8 people becomes more difficult. I spend more time with the kids so my to-do list gets longer every day as things keep getting pushed to tomorrow. And the house is never, ever clean.

I need things in my life that are easy, which is why it's perfect that I came across this wonderful sheet pan meal. I'm obsessed with it and we eat it once a week.

I'm not a food photographer, but trust me, it's delicious. (It's way prettier if you use baby red potatoes but this is what we had in the house.)

—6—

I'm currently watching the Pride and Prejudice BBC miniseries, and I just don't agree with the way they portrayed Mr. Darcy. They "did him dirty," as the kids would say. Why did they make him be so awkward for the first three episodes? 

Nobody in the novel was like, "What misfortune that Darcy should be at this party, he's so peculiar!" He just thought he was too good for everyone and everything and it showed. People thought he was a snob, not a weirdo. 

I think the problem is that the miniseries took out most of Darcy's lines of dialogue, so all that's left for Colin Firth to do is stare with an inappropriate intensity at Elizabeth whenever she's in the room. I know it's supposed to be a smoldering gaze but all I can think of is that scene in Twilight where Bella walks into the classroom and Edward leers at her like he's going to either take off like a rocket ship or vomit:

I'm sorry I just compared Pride and Prejudice to Twilight. I didn't mean it, honest. I guess I just really prefer the novel to the screen adaptation. (Also, I kept watching and discovered that Mr. Darcy suddenly becomes more normal in the fourth episode so there's that.)

—7—

Having all three of my older kids work at the same place is amazing. Already this summer, there have been so many times when one has a conflict so they just talk among themselves and trade shifts, share the car for rides, or brings the other their forgotten glasses/wallet/Chapstick when they come in later that day. Sometimes Sibling A works in the morning, and when Sibling B drives there in the afternoon they just hand off the keys and it comes home with Sibling A 30 minutes later. It's great. Also, it's the only way this car-sharing scheme can work for a whole summer. Wish us luck.

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7 Quick Takes about How We're All Housecats, Parking Lot Naps, and Daily Schedules I Won't Be Using

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

This summer, my parents want to fly our kids out to stay with them for 9 days. They've done it before with just the older ones, but this time they're taking all of them.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

It means that Phillip and I will be alone in the house for over a week. No school pickups or soccer dropoffs or rides to a friend's house. No worrying about anyone except ourselves for over a week. We are still trying to wrap our heads around this information.

"What do you want to do while the kids are gone?" Phillip keeps asking me. And I tell him I don't know. We are indoor cats that have escaped outside: we don't know what to do with our newfound freedom and will probably end up just hiding under the porch until someone comes to get us.

—2—

I've more or less adjusted to the 50-minute round trip it takes to drop my son off at his new gymnastics gym, but sometimes it's a hard drive to make when I'm sleepy. I get the same highway hypnosis as when we're on a road trip.

One day this week I got so tired on the drive there, that I dropped him off and then pulled into the parking lot to take a nap in the van. 

Unfortunately, I only slept for 10 minutes before the pediatrician's office called to make an appointment for one of the kids.

—3—

Our 13-year-old daughter realized that next year her older brother will be graduating, and then she'll be the oldest in the house. They do a lot of goofing around, watching Marvel movies, and other teenage shenanigans I probably don't want to know about.

"It's going to be so boring!" she wailed. 

I pointed out "You've still got two younger brothers, you know, and they do grow up. Like, your older brother thought he'd be bored when the girls left for college, but now you're older and he hangs out with you. By the time he leaves, your younger brother will be older and then the two of you will hang out."

From the other room, the younger brother called out, "Yuck!"

Like I said, there's still some maturing to be done.

—4—

The other evening Phillip and I grabbed the 9- and 11-year-olds and took them on a slightly more successful fishing trip. 

One son caught two fish, and the other reeled in a fish but it escaped from his line as he was being pulled out of the water. Somehow I broke the reel of the fishing pole Phillip has had since he was 15, though. I wasn't even fishing, he just handed it to me to hold for a second while his hands were full.

—5—

ChatGPT is great for some things, but I'm finding that it's not as great for others. I recently watched a TED talk about time management that I couldn't quite figure out how to apply to my own life, so I talked it over with ChatGPT, fed it my to-do list, and asked it to make me a schedule. 

It came up with something that had me waking up at 6AM, didn't account for meals, and shrunk tasks to the time available regardless of whether it was realistic.

At the same time, Phillip was asking ChatGPT to help him design a training plan to reach his current running goal. On the first day, he practically collapsed and died trying to follow its instructions, which is exactly what would've happened to me if I'd tried to follow the to-do schedule it gave me.

I guess if you ask ChatGPT to do something, it will find a way to do it, whether it makes sense or not. Once, our daughter asked it "How many P's are in the word 'mayonnaise'?" and it kept telling her random numbers. It would only say there weren't any if she asked "Are there any P's in the word 'mayonnaise'?"

—6—

We've gotten a family gym membership for the summer, but it's not turning out to be anything like we thought it would be. 

When we signed up for the membership, we had two kids in mind who we thought would particularly love it. As it turns out, those two kids only go when we plant the idea inception-like in their minds earlier in the day. 

Meanwhile, another of our kids has surprised us by loving it so much that they go 6 days a week on their own volition and will bike there if there's not a car available. The staff all recognizes this child and just waves them in like a celebrity without asking for their membership information. 

Parenting is always a surprise, no matter how well you think you know your kids.

—7—

This has been quite a week. End-of-year everything has been happening. Recitals. Field trips. Finals. Graduation parties. Class teacher gifts. I helped spearhead a youth fundraiser at church to raise money for camp. We got our piano tuned and I had lunch with an old friend who's in town for a few days. 

Next week the kids are finally done with all of it, and then we will begin a different kind of crazy when everyone is home all the time and leaving their dirty dishes everywhere. Wish me luck!

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7 Quick Takes about a Permanent Case of the Flu, Tricking the Cats and Dogs, and Asking ChatGPT to Talk Down to You

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

All I've done this week is be sick. It sucks. The flu I thought I was over last week? That was false spring. 

I'm still hacking phlegm out of my throat most of the day, and I think I woke up with pinkeye this morning.

My husband, checking up on me from work.

I get about 5% better every day, but at this rate I'm going to be sick until July.

—2—

I just learned that woodpeckers have long tongues that wrap completely around their brain to protect it while they're hammering away at trees all day. 

Call me crazy, but I'm jealous. I've had a headache all week just from coughing so much. Do you know how much I could have used a built-in shock absorber?

—3—

I feel like I missed an opportunity by not writing down all the weird ways my kids have described various ailments and injuries for me to interpret over the years. 

One of my kids got hit in the throat with a lacrosse ball at school this week and when they got home and I asked how it was, they said, "My throat feels sparkly." I don't know what to do with that.

—4—

A friend who doesn't have a car right now found a mass on her cat, so she asked if I would give them a ride to the vet. The ride was short and I wore a mask, so hopefully she and her cat don't get the plague.

At the vet's office, attached to the ramp leading to the front door was a banner covered in smiling pets that said "this way for treats!" 

If Mittens were smart, she'd take one look at the banner and be like "Nope, this is 100% Hansel and Gretel. Turn the car around."

I thought for a split-second that it was funny they were luring the pets in with treats, but then I started laughing because pets can't read. Maybe they're trying to trick the owners?

—5—

Due to sleeping like garbage all week because I was sick, I finished the last several hours of my audiobook sleepytime reading of Pride and Prejudice, and loved it.

Now I'm looking for the best movie or TV adaptation to watch, and it seems like it comes down to the 1995 BBC series or the 2005 movie with Keira Knightly. 

It seems like the BBC series is the most faithful to the novel and the time period, but it's long. The movie is pretty with a lovely score and cinematography, but some of the things that made the novel great were lost while trying to make it palatable for a 21st century audience. (In the words of one person on Reddit, it was "okay, but Keira Knightly has the face of someone who knows what a cell phone is.")

So... I guess I'll just have to watch both.

—6—

I finally got my new mouthguard for nighttime teeth clenching, and it's amazing. I've scraped by with over-the-counter guards for years, not wanting to spend the money for a dentist-made custom one (which my insurance doesn't cover, by the way), but the OTC ones weren't cutting it anymore.

I decided to gamble on a mail-in custom guard that is a quarter of the price and had a money-back guarantee. It's been two nights and I can tell that it really helps, and it's way more comfortable than anything else I've ever used.

—7—

We're almost finished with school here. My 7th grader says she has good grades except for one okayish grade in math. She explained that she has a hard time with the format of some of the quizzes and the teacher's explanations aren't helping.

"I'm not the right person to ask, but your dad and your older sister are both great at explaining math," I said. "Or, if they're not around you can also ask ChatGPT. And then ask followup questions about what it says."

"Like, 'I'm pretty stupid, can you explain it dumber?'" She asked.

Yes, actually. In fact, I often start learning about something new by asking ChatGPT to explain it to me like I'm 5, and then go from there.

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7 Quick Takes about How to Take Pictures of Your Favorite Mom, Beautifying the Bathroom, and Living in a Wildflower Meadow

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

For the past few years, we've gone to the ocean on Memorial Day. In late May it's warm enough to be pleasant (only the bravest of us actually go in the water) and too early in the season to be crowded (parking is usually still free.) But it was a cloudy day and it's always windy at the beach, and I just knew I would be cold and miserable.

I convinced my family to make a Plan B, and we decided to make a day of going to a naval museum and get mochi donuts on the way home. But when our 17-year-old woke up sick, we didn't really feel it was right to toss a bottle of Tylenol at him with a "See ya tonight, try not to die!" so we made a Plan C and went with that.

We decided to take everyone else to a local park, grill hot dogs, and play wiffle ball and frisbee. We wouldn't be gone the whole day and we'd be close enough to run home if the 17-year-old needed anything. 

I had fun playing with the kids and enjoyed a nice nap in the sun.

Taken by my 13-year-old.

Why are these only pictures my family thinks to take of me? Heaven forbid they could leave a record of me doing literally anything fun or good as a mom. If it weren't for selfies, future generations would look through our family photos and think that I'd abandoned the family and left Phillip a single dad.

—2—

After our cookout at the park, the older kids had to go to work and Phillip and I took the younger kids fishing. Phillip says he learned to fish in late elementary school, just about the ages of our 2 youngest boys so it was the perfect time for them to learn.  

It wasn't a roaring success. They all retched at putting the worms on the hooks, one fell in the water, and all three kids got their hooks stuck in a tree.

The 11-year-old has been asking all week to go fishing again, so there must have been something positive in the experience. I'm just not sure what.

—3—

I'm so bad at drawing. I remember being frustrated at my lack of skill as a kid, and there's an infamous story of when my 2-year-old asked me to draw him a train and when I tried he started wailing "That's not a train! That's a pig-car!" (In my defense, a train does look like a car with a pig snout on the end.)

Anyway, Facebook apparently knows I need remedial drawing classes and has been showing me stuff like this:

I actually think this one is brilliant, and I'm thrilled that I could pass the Velocipedia test with flying colors now. I wouldn't have had a chance before.

—4—

For a couple of months, I've been ignoring something. At the midpoint of my sternum, just right of center, there's a tender spot. Twice I did a leaning-down-to-touch-my-toes kind of stretch and felt a searing pain accompanied by a hard knot in that place that took a minute to go away. Fearing a hernia, I ignored it until my next physical.

When I mentioned it to my doctor I learned that (1) it's not a hernia, yay, and (2) your lower ribs are called "false ribs" and "floating ribs." They're more flexible and mobile because they're attached to the cartilage of the ribs above them, so sometimes they can cause random pains in the exact place I was describing. 

So I guess no hernia surgery for me, which is good. My doctor examined it and told me nothing felt abnormal, so it was just a weird thing that hopefully won't happen again. Unless 43 is the age where doctors start dismissing all your concerns by saying, "Well, you are getting older" like my mom warned me about.

—5—

My kid's bathroom looks terrible. The floor is always covered in towels, the counter is always covered in hair paraphernalia, and the sink and mirror is always covered in toothpaste. I'm surprised the kids aren't ashamed to even go in there. I know I am.

But I recently ventured in to make some repairs. 

First, I replaced the nasty old toilet seat. It's not actually old, it just looks ancient and stained because our bathroom cleaner with bleach ate away half of the finish. Then I patched and repainted holes left over from the previous toilet paper holder that someone pulled out of the wall. Then I unclogged the sink and pulled out what looked like an entire cat's worth of hair from the drain. (We don't have a cat but we have three girls which is worse.)

Normally I don't do these things myself, I pester Phillip for months to do them. It's hard to justify learning how to do home repairs that Phillip already knows how to do, because he can do them three times as fast. It's kind of like how when he's writing an email, it's easier for him to yell, "Jenny, how do you spell 'alleviate'?" and write down whatever I say than to go find a dictionary and better himself by looking it up. We both have our areas of expertise, you know? But I guess it did pay to do it myself this time so I'll consider it in the future.

—6—

We are unintentionally participating in No-Mow May. I wanted the kids to go out and cut the grass on Memorial Day, but Phillip brought it up and then all the kids started chanting "No Mow May! No Mow May!" so fine. 

On the plus side, we have all sorts of pretty wildflowers in the yard now.

Left unchecked, these will spread and take over the entire yard. Shhhhh.

There's also a not-so-pretty circle of dead grass in the front yard from a leaf pile that my kids jumped in once last fall, then begged me to leave out instead of clearing away. I did, they played in it zero more times, and then it got left out too long and killed all the grass underneath it.

—7—

Remember how my 17-year-old got sick? Well, I woke up with it on Thursday and it was a doozy. I basically spent the next 32 hours in bed.

I felt too crummy to read so sadly, this was me.

By lunchtime on the second day, I felt okay enough to get up and do most of the stuff I normally do. It's just weird that it knocked my husband and 17-year-old out for almost four days, and I'm the one on immunosuppressants.

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7 Quick Takes about Shearing Sheep, Setting a Timer to Ask My Doctor Which Treatment Is Right for Me, and Going on the Colorless Diet

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

Have you ever seen a sheep shearing? Now I have.

I noticed a sign at a local farmstand advertising their sheep shearing so we decided to go check it out. I've never seen a sheep shearing before, but I was in complete awe of the old guy who looked like Joe Biden but didn't even seem winded after his second hour of wrangling 180-pound sheep into submission. 

Looks kind of brutal but I probably use more force trying to get my own kids to stay still when I cut their hair.

Also, the guy was shearing this sheep with a big pair of scissors, not an electric clippers. My hands alone would have gotten tired, letalone my knees and back with all the bending and kneeling.

"Are you going to be doing stuff like that when you're old?" I asked Phillip, knowing that he wants to run and be active until the day he drops dead.

Phillip shook his head and scoffed, "I can't do that now."

We took the boys around to see the other farm animals afterward, and they spent the longest time trying to convince the pigs to let them pet them.

If I've ever seen a pig look wary, but this is it.

—2—

Saw this in the store the other day.

Why do I love everything about this?

—3—

When I chose a timer sound for my phone, I picked a mellow piano tune that I hopefully wouldn't get annoyed at, because I set twenty timers a day to remind me to take kids to and from school and various activities.

My 19-year-old tells me that it "sounds like a prescription medication commercial for moderate to severe Chron's Disease."

I laughed, but actually, if you play this YouTube video of my timer sound while reading this patient testimonial from the Skyrizi website, you'll see that she's 100% right:

—4—

Happy birthday to me! I heard on the radio that my birthday was the second coldest May 22nd in this area in recorded history. And you know how I love the cold.

In better news, though, I got this birthday wish email from my dentist's office which was absolutely not written with AI.

—5—

Phillip and I have a weekly tradition we like to call "the executive meeting." We go through our calendar, looking at every night's activities so we know who has to be home when and who's driving kids where. (It's okay if you didn't understand that sentence. Executive meetings are an incredibly confusing process.) 

Preferring a more by-the-seat-of-your-pants approach to life, Phillip hates the executive meeting. But I really need it or I end up shaking my fist at the sky and cursing Phillip's name at 5pm because I didn't know he had a late work meeting and I'm stuck figuring out how to get three kids to three separate activities by myself in an hour.

It's been several weeks since our last executive meeting and that always makes me antsy, so I asked Phillip sweetly on Sunday afternoon, "Soooo... later today do you want to have an executive meeting, or be murdered?"

He smiled and told me, "I didn't realize there was a choice. I'd rather be murdered."

—6—

This is what it looks like when you let a child fill up their own plate at a church potluck. Not a vegetable to be seen for miles. 

All beige, all carbs, all the time.

All I'm saying is, I've seen more balanced meals in my life.

—7—

I laughed my ever-living head off at this Modern Family clip that showed up in my YouTube feed, and then I showed it to Phillip who laughed his head off, too. Because it is absolutely both of us, from Phil's "I'd rather not" (see Take #5) to the kids' disgusting bathroom to the broken step to Claire's perfect last line.

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7 Quick Takes about Prehistoric Visitors, Unexpectedly Useful Degrees, and What Happens When You Kidnap Stupid People

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

It's apparently egg-laying season, and the snapping turtles are out wandering around looking for a good spot. Phillip saw one on the road while running, and then we randomly spotted one in our driveway the next afternoon.

The 16-year-old was coming home soon and we didn't want him to accidentally run over it with the car since it was right in his parking spot, so the 13-year-old ran and got a cone to put next to it. But she didn't want to get too close, because snapping turtles look pretty creepy and we'd never seen one this close up before.

They're like a cross between a dinosaur and Jabba the Hut. The way they move their head around looks not quite real. And they have creepy eyelids that slide up over their eyes when they blink.

When we came out to look at her, she went belly-flat to the ground and just looked at us unnervingly for a while. After we went back inside for 5 or 10 minutes, she decided it was safe and high-tailed it to the woods. She was pretty fast, for a turtle.

—2—

For Mother's Day, Phillip and the kids made a fancy dinner of quiche, homemade crescent rolls, and a Waldorf salad. They also got sparkling cider (not even our standard issue New Year's Martinelli's, it was something fancy imported from Spain) and served it in goblets with our good china.

The food was all really good, but probably the highlight for the kids was that the bottles of sparkling cider came with real corks that we opened outside and let go flying into the yard. My mom found one of the corks a few days later while looking around the woods to see if she could find a snapping turtle nest anywhere.

—3—

A friend of ours went to France and brought home some French candies with jokes on the wrappers. Kind of like French Laffy Taffy, I guess.

My oldest two daughters who speak a fair amount of French explained some of the jokes to us, but there were a few that even they weren't sure about, and Google translate wasn't much help, either:

I guess humor often relies on puns that don't make sense in another language, which is why a video I once watched says that a political translator sometimes relies on the line: "The president has just told a very funny joke that is untranslatable. Please laugh now."

—4—

Our teenage son has been struggling with an increasingly growing collection of health issues that have gotten so serious we've had to meet with the school to talk about accommodations for his absences and exhaustion in class. I didn't really want to joke about it on the blog in case it turned out to be leukemia or something, but we know what it is now. And it's really dumb.

After being handed what felt like random guesses over the last 5 months (various doctors have ordered bloodwork and X-rays, referred us to a gastroenterologist and a cardiologist, and told us that he was depressed,) Phillip finally started wondering if it was side effects from a medication our teen has been taking for the last few years. We took him off of it, and he was himself again within the week.

I'm relieved to finally know what's been going on, but mad that the one who figured it out is NOT THAT KIND OF DOCTOR. This isn't the kind of situation that requires a Ph.D. in mechanical engineering. 

Now we just need to find a replacement medication for our son that doesn't have all the side effects. I can only assume we'll have to seek someone with a Ph.D. in English literature to help with that, because I only have a bachelor's degree.

—5—

After many faithful years of service, our slingback patio chairs are all broken. We started out with eight, and now there's only one left. So we're in the market for new patio chairs, but I'm having trouble making any decisions.

Someone tell me, what patio furniture is durable but also stylish and comfortable? All the pictures I see online look like you took the world's most luxurious living room and just plonked it outside, which looks pretty but it's terribly impractical. By the end of the summer it would be a soggy, faded mess, unless you want your new full-time job to be ferrying around patio cushions every time you want to sit down.

But everything without cushions either looks uncomfortable or ugly. Sometimes both.

Is there a middle ground, or should we just buy another set of slingback chairs and replace them 10 years from now?

—6—

While my mom is here visiting, she took me and the 18- and 20-year-olds to an escape room. The premise was that you'd been kidnapped, and they brought you into the escape room blindfolded and handcuffed. You had 30 minutes to free yourself, figure out all the puzzles, and escape the room. 

It started out well: I found the keys to the handcuffs right away and relatively quickly got to work setting everyone else in our group free. But then we couldn't figure out what to do afterward and asked for a clue. The person over the loudspeaker hesitated and said "...Are you sure you searched the room thoroughly?"

Turns out there was a full-size briefcase sitting barely concealed underneath a cot, so maybe we weren't off to as good of a start as I thought.

Still, we ended up escaping from the room with 9 minutes to spare, and only asked for two more hints. (Neither of them were facepalms like the first one.)

—7—

It's been almost a month, and all of our Easter decorations are still up. Maybe putting them away will be my weekend project.

In my defense, the boxes where we store the holiday stuff are hard to get to because the storage area is full of stair treads and risers waiting to go on the basement steps. 

So it's not just our holiday decor we can't stay on top of, it's our DIY basement finishing project, too.

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