7 Quick Takes about Lakeside Retreats, Getting Up Early for No Reason, and Secrets to Governing a Household

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! Except that it’s on Sunday. I was planning and executing a 3-day retreat for my Young Women group at church. How was your week? 

—1—

The first part of my week was completely consumed with preparing for this Young Women retreat, shopping for food and prepping for activities and finalizing plans for girls with special needs and planning the itinerary. 

The irony of my life is that I'm told constantly — constantly — that I always seem so unruffled by complicated logistics, when in reality planning stuff like this makes me feel like my hair is on fire and has almost certainly taken years off of my life.

However, I will say it was an absolute privilege and a delight to stay with these 11 wonderful young ladies at the lake house of a member of our congregation. Getting to know them better and seeing them form new and different bonds with each other was the highlight of my month. 

I do need to sleep for about a week now, though.

—2—

We spent a lot of our time having fun at the lake, doing S'mores and kayaking and swimming. 

The kids introduced us to a ridiculous new game called "Diaper Dan," where you put your life jacket on upside down (think: legs go through the armholes) and because of the change in boyancy, it's fun to jump in the water and swim around like that. The things I learn as a leader of these girls...

—3—

The theme of the retreat was "Reset + Recharge," so we had a lot of activities having to do with that idea. The one that was a real hit was this kindness chart, made by my 21-year-old out of the goodness of her heart:

The idea was to "recharge each others' batteries" by filling up the squares with mini Post-Its every time we observed something kind. It made me happy to read the Post-Its throughout each day, and by the end we'd filled all 308 squares so we're taking them all out for ice cream on Tuesday. 

We also had some spiritual devotionals, team-building games, and one spontaneous karaoke party that erupted downstairs while the leaders smiled and listened from upstairs. 

The girls made the food, ate together, and cleaned up afterward.

We also did a service project, cleaning out a dry stream bed drainage system and chopping and stacking firewood for our hosts as a thank-you. I was especially proud of that, because I think the girls went well above and beyond the bare minimum and really worked hard to do their best. It looked amazing when they were done.

—4—

The cabin-owners were SO generous in treating us to a private fireworks show on the last night, and definitely created a core memory for one of our girls who was super-interested so they let her plan the order of everything (she did this for hours) and even let her light the fireworks (with her parents' permission, of course.) 

First time using a blow torch, she was so excited.

The rest of us watched the show from the safety of the deck and the show did not disappoint.

At the end, one of the girls suggested we all yell "THANK YOU!!!" on the count of three and it was just so sweet that she thought of that.

—5—

I was pretty exhausted by the time I got home, not at all helped by the fact that I woke up at 3:40 AM the next day to take my 13-year-old to the airport. 

She was flying as an unaccompanied minor to visit her grandparents, and through a combination of long lines and us just not being there early enough, she missed the flight and we had to wait for the next one later that morning. 

I'm grateful that there was room for her on the next flight, and I'm trying really hard to focus on that instead of the fact that I GOT UP AT 3:40 AM TO SIT IN THE AIRPORT FOR FOUR HOURS.

—6—

Once a week, Phillip and I try to sit down with the calendar and call it "the executive meeting." Ideally, we'd get to our plans for the future and our hopes and dreams for the kids, but we often run out of energy by the time we hash out who is giving rides to who this week. It just depends.

After about five different kids coming in and hanging out and generally being disruptive during our meeting, I finally turned to the 11-year-old and told him, "You need to leave. Dad and I are trying to have an executive meeting."

Undeterred, he said, "But you need to have three branches: the executive, the judicial, and the... uh... umm..."

"If you can't think of the last one, then you need to leave and let us execute."

Luckily, he couldn't think of the third and left on a technicality.

—7—

I don't have any bumper stickers, and I often wonder what I would feel strongly enough about to permanently affix to my car. I saw one this week that I would definitely consider:

Actually, it would explain a lot. It would make me feel better about Take #5, for instance.

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7 Quick Takes about New Uses for Traffic Cones, Packing Peanuts as a Sculpting Medium, and Who Not To Take Into an Antique Store

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

The battle of me versus the other seven members of the household who like to set their dirty dishes on the counter instead of in the dishwasher continues. (It may not be all seven of them, but let's go with that to preserve anonymity.) 

In the past, leaving a written reminder on the counter has been helpful, so I scribbled "NO DISHES HERE" on a piece of scratch paper and left it there. Later I found that my 11-year-old had added a helpful illustration:

My 11-year-old saying the quiet part out loud.

—2—

Unfortunately, the written reminder didn't work. I woke up the next morning to see the sign surrounded by a rainbow of dirty dishes. It almost looked intentional, like they were trying to frame my message with their filth.

So I knew that drastic measures were needed. I cleared the dishes, added two full-size construction cones from the garage to either side of the sign (with a towel underneath them), and then I left for the day to work an 8-hour volunteer shift at the temple.

The cones apparently worked, because I came home and EVERYTHING WAS IN THE DISHWASHER! Of course, I had to look at two neon orange construction cones in the kitchen instead, but I guess you can't have everything.

—3—

Our parakeet Pringles really likes us now. When we let her out of her cage, she always wants to be on our shoulders, warbling to us. But unfortunately, she has a deep-seated fear of human hands no matter whose they are, so if you reach over to adjust her if she's squawking too loud in your ear or accidentally scratching you with her toenails, she bites you. And it's not a warning bite or a playful bite. She's trying to kill you.

So I'm a little exasperated with Pringles. Then Facebook, which spies on me and probably knew this, showed me this reel. There was a touching guitar melody over a video of a cute yellow cockatiel and text saying, "If you ever find yourself getting frustrated with your bird, remember..."

The next text read "...they're just tiny little souls as quirky, curious, and imperfect as we are." Watching over my shoulder, the 14-year-old  said, "Oh. I thought it was going to say '...they have little brains and they're pretty stupid.'"

Also true.

—4—

My youngest two kids have spent their mornings at church camp this week. It's similar to Vacation Bible School, but they call it Hero Camp: the idea is learning about the scriptures through a different "scripture hero" every day. Someone dressed up as a scriptural figure visits the kids, teaches them about their story, and then the kids sing songs and do different activities based on what they're learning. 

They brought home several cool things they made and did, but my favorite were the packing peanut temples they made. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, most of our temples have a gold statue of an angel blowing a trumpet to announce the second coming of Jesus Christ, so my 9-year-old included that on top of his temple.

A perfect likeness!

—5—

We've been trying to find fun things to do in the vicinity of my son's gym during practice, and found a nearby disc golf course. Four of us checked out a disc golf set from the library and headed there for a few hours. 

It was our second time ever playing frisbee golf. The last time was probably 7 or 8 years ago, and that time I only made it to the third hole before leaving to go wait out a massive toddler temper tantrum in the car while everyone else finished playing. So needless to say we were really, really good.

We had NO idea what we were doing. A few guys passed us and we tried to copy what we'd seen them doing, but it didn't work out very well. It was fun though, and we had a good time even if we were objectively awful at it.

—6—

Another day, the 11-year-old and I went to the rail trail and rode our bikes. It was technically a "spur," which means it was a shorter branch off the main trail. I wish it had been longer to get some proper exercise, but it was very pretty and we stopped at the lake next to the trail to skip rocks.

Nearby, there was an antique store and I convinced my 11-year-old to look in there with me. He'll never make that mistake again. The place was huge, and by the time we were halfway through I think his soul had left his body. I've never seen him so bored.

"This is me," he said at one point, pointing to a pair of these grumpy-looking pig earrings he saw hanging on the wall.

I think I'll go back sometime. But I'll go by myself, when I can browse around at my leisure without a companion following me around moaning and fainting like a Victorian lady.

—7—

One night at dinner, the table was fully occupied by a half-finished puzzle on one side and a large painting project on the other, so we decided to eat downstairs while watching a movie. 

The younger kids haven't seen most of the classic Disney movies from the 1950's, 60s, and 70s, because the older kids have all seen them so we never made a point of watching them again. So I read off a list of titles and the younger kids chose Peter Pan.  

After watching Robin Hood last week and now this, I've decided that there used to be a marvelous silliness in kids' animation that was lost in the shift to a more realistic computer generated style. We're going to have to watch more of these.

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7 Quick Takes about Robin Hoods in Training, Replacing Doors to the Outside World, and Adding Whimsy to Your Slip-and-Fall Accidents

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

My 9- and 11-year-olds are still on a high from a church youth activity last week where they went to an archery range and learned how to shoot a bow and arrow. The 11-year-old was so into it that he begged us to dust off our archery stuff in the garage, clear out an area in the backyard, and try it out. 

 

So we did.

He's already busy brainstorming ideas for a device that helps track lost arrows, if you want to know how it's going.

—2—

Inspired by the archery, Phillip and I suggested that the kids watch the Robin Hood with us that evening. 

"What year was this movie made?" Phillip asked as we headed to the basement to watch it.

I looked it up and told him, "1973."

"Wow, the animation is going to be terrible." 

"What are you talking about? It's going to be awesome," I answered, thinking of this meme I recently saw floating around Facebook:

So how was the movie? Actually, it held up better than most of our childhood favorites. The animation was a little crude, but it was so creative. The chase scenes in particular were epic and hilarious in their own way. 

I also loved how they straight-up rewrote the laws of nature for so much of the movie. Like how Robin corrected his misfire by shooting a second arrow that caught up to it in midair? Or how Sir Hiss stuck his head in a balloon and blew it up, changed his carbon dioxide into helium, and flew through the air using his tail as a propeller? THAT IS ROAD RUNNER-LEVEL PHYSICS. They just don't make cartoons like that anymore.

—3—

I've been trying to figure out how to structure our summer now that my 9-year-old's three-hour gymnastics practice is right in the middle of the day, Monday through Thursday. It's an hour round-trip to his gym, so either I do it twice (too much driving) or abandon the other kids for 4 hours every afternoon (not why I became a stay-at-home mom.)

This week, we tried something different. I brought my other son with me and we hung out in the area for three hours doing stuff. I was wondering if we'd get bored, but I think it's going to be alright. The public library is impressive, especially for a small town. Their "library of things" has a ton of games, electronics, and other items. We came home with a few books on space, a puzzle, a giant Jenga game, and a murder mystery tabletop game.

The puzzle, by the way, is called "Dad Jokes," and we're about halfway done with it. 

After spending hours searching for the correct pieces, each corny joke is permanently seared into the kids' consciousness.

—4—

The big news this week is that we replaced our sliding door to the deck, plus two French doors that lead outside! 

The old sliding door had no handle and was so hard to open that only adults could do it; the French doors were sagging so badly that one set wouldn't open and the other had a gap the size of a golf ball in which we stuck a T-shirt to avoid heating the entire neighborhood or getting mice in the winter. Having new ones that just open and close effortlessly is wonderful!

A half dozen guys arrived and started hammering on the house at 8 AM, and the teenager slept right through it all and still had to be shaken awake at noon. I only wish I could sleep like that.

Picture taken from the window of the circus in my driveway.

Of course, getting work done on your house is kind of like If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Now that we can easily use the deck again, we need to replace a few boards and put on a new coat of paint so we don't get splinters. And once the deck is nice enough to spend time on, we'll need some patio furniture out there to sit on. And then...

—5—

Exactly two days after replacing the doors (and wondering how in the world replacing three doors can cost ¹⁄₁₃th of the purchase price of our entire house), our washer and dryer simultaneously decided to give up the ghost.

The dryer has been slowly declining for a long time, and we miss it but at least it's not suffering anymore. The washer, however, went very suddenly and it was quite a shock. One minute it was chugging along just fine, and the next minute we were pulling out sopping wet clothes because the spin cycle stopped working.

I know it's a first-world problem, but not having a functioning washer and dryer in an 8-person household is stressful for even a few hours, letalone days. We may be searching for a new-to-us dryer, but not until Phillip will take apart the washing machine to see if he can keep it running for just a little longer. 

—6—

We have to do something about the mosquito situation in our backyard. Honestly it doesn't really bother me: I figure if I'm going outside into their home, the onus is on me to just wear bug spray, but Phillip says it drives him crazy and he'd like to figure out how to keep them away from the deck so we can enjoy being out there. 

I've seen candles, torches, chemical sprays, and so on, but I remain skeptical. I just had two people recommend a product that they swear by called mosquito dunks, and the reviews on Amazon were overwhelmingly positive, so we are going to give them a try. I'll let you know what I think in 2-4 weeks when they reach effectiveness.

Here's a related conversation between me and my 11-year-old son from this week:

11-year-old: Why can’t all the bugs and spiders just go extinct?!

Me: Well, the spiders eat the bugs so they’re actually good!

11-year-old: [looking at me and flatly] If all the bugs are extinct, there’s no need for the spiders.

Good point, I guess.

—7—

You know the "wet floor" sign you see in the store sometimes? Well, I spotted one this week in our hardware store but the illustration really made it look like a lot of fun.

Just like a waterslide! Weeeeee!

I think it's the jazz hands. Slipping and falling looks like such a great time and not at all something that will land you in the hospital.

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7 Quick Takes about Mice in America, Mission Calls, and Summer Struggles

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

What did you do on 4th of July? We were torn. The kids all have PTSD from last year when we had to wait for an hour and a half to get out of the parking garage after the fireworks show, so that was out. 

We were thinking about buying some fireworks for home use, but we didn't get our act together in time to make it happen. So what we did was grill hot dogs in the backyard, and then we voted on a 4th of July movie to watch. 

Of course there's Independence Day, but it's maybe a little too intense for my 9-year-old. So we ended up watching An American Tail.

I haven't seen it since I was a kid, and it was... interesting. Definitely not what I remembered. Every time we watch an 80s or 90s movie with the kids, the older ones look quizzically at Phillip and I like, "Is this why you are the way you are?" 

It's okay, their own kids will do it to them someday.

—2—

On Saturday we rented kayaks and a canoe, and went for a nice trip down the river. It was a beautiful day, and we kept seeing turtles sunning themselves on rocks and fallen logs near the banks on the way out. 

My view on the way back.

We rowed to a historic bridge about 35 minutes from us, then took a break on shore. The little ones played in the water and complained that we hadn't brought enough granola bars, and then we swapped boats (the ones in the kayaks switched to the canoe) and went back. 

It's been years since I've rowed a canoe and it's way harder than a kayak, by the way.

—3—

A little while ago, my 19-year-old daughter applied to serve an 18-month mission for our church, and this week she received her assignment. When you apply to be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you could end up in Norway or Argentina or Michigan. Whatever the assignment, we believe it's made prayerfully by the worldwide leaders of the church, to someplace where the Lord needs you. And my daughter is going to... Nevada!

I'm so excited for her. She starts training virtually at home in mid-September, and will leave at the end of that month. 

As a missionary your sole focus is helping others (and yourself) come to Jesus Christ, which requires a lot of patience and consistency. You really do need to rely on inspiration to guide you every day. I was taught by missionaries as a teenager, and I'm so glad that they were willing to put the less-important parts of their lives on hold to focus on the most important one, and share it with me because it's the best part of my life today.

—4—

Wednesday was a very temple-y day. That morning I worked an 8-2 shift at the temple (after accidentally setting my alarm for PM instead of AM and oversleeping by 49 minutes, it was a literal miracle that I could get ready in seven minutes and still make it there in time). Afterward my daughter and I went to the distribution center to buy a few temple-related clothing items, went home for a quick bite to eat, then headed back to the temple so she could receive her endowment.

For those of you wondering "Why was she receiving a financial gift for a nonprofit organization, and why was she doing it at the temple?" it will probably help to know that the endowment is also the name for a temple ceremony in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints where you make promises with God that build on your baptismal promises. You do this as an adult, once you're ready to do so. (You can learn more in detail and see pictures in this video.) 

It was really special to be there with Phillip and our two oldest daughters. I've gone to the temple many times alone or with Phillip or my oldest daughter, but sitting in the celestial room with all of them and feeling like we were starting to collect our family members there made me feel extremely grateful for this blessing.

—5—

I'm the president of the teen girls' organization at church, and we're planning a retreat at the end of this month. I sat in on a planning meeting over Zoom this week with the other leaders (the meeting timed out and we had to log back in twice if that tells you how long it took) and I think we have a decent itinerary plotted out now.

The theme is "Reset and Recharge" and we're going to the lake house of one of the leaders for a few days. We'll have team building games, swimming, and S'mores. We'll talk about the question "How does your relationship with the Savior help you reset and recharge?" and if I'm able I will make a big fundraising thermometer (except it will be a battery) to mark up every time you witness a good deed being done. If we fill up the thermometer, we'll take the girls to get ice cream for the following week's activity.

—6—

I was talking with a friend about water and how hard it is to drink enough every day. She told me that she used to just sip water all day long, but then she was also peeing all day long which is annoying. (I can confirm; in the fall I did an 8-glasses-a-day challenge and going to the bathroom was my part-time job.) 

But instead of just shrugging and resigning herself to her fate, she looked it up and read that a bladder can hold two cups of water, so now she says she drinks two cups of water at a time and goes to the bathroom far less frequently.

Does this work? And if it did, would I be organized enough to do it? I'm actually trying it today, so we'll see.

—7—

I've been struggling this summer to find a rhythm, particularly because my 9-year-old's gymnastics practice requires two 1-hour roundtrip drives, smack in the middle of the day Mondays through Thursdays. And with everyone home all the time, I feel like I spend way more time nagging people to clean up after themselves than I would like and not much time actually planning or doing anything fun. 

I think I may need to outsource more, and have the kids take more ownership over meals, grocery shopping, rides, and planning outings. They're happy to do those things when I ask (most of the time,) but it still means that I have to be on top of things enough to ask. And as this summer is proving to me, I'm not.

What are your best tips for getting through the summer when you have older kids? I deeply regret complaining about anything when the kids were too little to have jobs and extracurricular activities and social lives.

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7 Quick Takes about Belated Anniversary Getaways, Ways Not To Ask For Permission to Jump Off a Bridge, and Becoming a Lettuce Salesman

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

I saw a meme that said "It's been a wild year this week," and that about sums it up.

Since last week's Quick Takes, I went on a 3-day trip with Phillip, was home for 1 day, and then left to supervise a church youth camp for another 4 days. 

I know that adds up to 8 days. I told you it was a long week. 

—2—

Phillip and I actually left on our trip last Thursday, and we definitely needed to get away. He's my best friend and my favorite person to spend time with, and being able to do that without having a thousand other responsibilities swirling around in my head was the best.

We went for walks, window shopped, ate good food, and explored the city. We woke up without an alarm, worked out together at the hotel gym, and binge-watched the first season of The Good Place. It was perfectly uneventful in the most wonderful way.

—3—

We ate at a lot of different places while we were out, but my favorite restaurant was space-themed. The food wasn't great (they burned both our entree and our dessert,) but the fun atmosphere made up for it. 

The purple and blue mocktails we ordered were cool-looking, and that was before we realized they also had glitter in them and swirled like crystal balls when stirred:

The bathrooms also had a lot of character:

To be honest, this sign gave me an irresistible urge to flush the toilet with my foot.

—4—

Was it hard to come back home? I'm not going to lie, yes it was. I was immediately stressed trying to pack for youth camp, orchestrate last-minute changes to the carpool, and make sure that plans were in place for some of our special needs campers before leaving.

Every summer, our local congregation joins with several others for a four-day camp for the teenage girls in the woods. This year there were 71 girls, and the schedule was packed with swimming, hiking, archery, a ropes course, games, crafts, classes, devotionals, meals, chores, and silly camp songs. It was great but incredibly draining. 

Seriously, I got home yesterday and after unpacking and throwing in a load of laundry, I spent the rest of the day lying in bed eating cheese and watching Pride and Prejudice.

—5—

Working with the teens at camp was fulfilling but I clearly am not getting paid enough for this (my current salary is zero dollars a year.) Temperatures hovered at 85° and there was no A/C in camp. I also got my period while I was there, adding constant long walks to the bathroom to my responsibilities of sorting out teenage girl feelings and not sleeping very much.

According to my fitness watch, it was possible to clock 10 miles by just walking around camp for a day.

It was terribly exhausting, but I was so happy and pleased with how it went. Many of the girls shared how impactful camp had been for them, and our special needs kids did awesome and were able to stay for the whole time. I guess that just like in life, most worthwhile things require hard work.

—6—

In the middle of cleaning the camp bathrooms with my campers one day, my phone buzzed with a text from my 17-year-old. It said "I'm going bridge jumping with [friend's name] right now". 

And that was it. No additional information, no answers to my follow-up questions, and no answer when I called him on the phone.

On one hand, that wasn't like him. We raised him to be the kind of kid to say, "Hey, my friend and I want to do ________. This is the location, let me tell you about what the conditions are like there. Here's why I believe it's safe, and this is my plan in case there's an emergency. Can I go?" Surely he wouldn't just send that text and go jump off a bridge.

On the other hand, teenagers still have lizard brains and lizards are stupid, so maybe he was about to go hit his head on a rock and die while I'm an hour away at camp. Should I panic? I panicked a little.

I couldn't get a hold of anyone on the phone, so ultimately I just had to pray my son was safe until he called an hour later and said, "Oh sorry, I forgot you weren't here. I already asked Dad, and he took us there yesterday to check it out. It's safe."

That would've been helpful context to know before I had a heart attack.

—7—

At the end of camp, the kitchen staff was trying to get rid of perishable food. I love free stuff, so when they said "We have three boxes of Romaine lettuce, would you like one?" I said "Sure!", not realizing they would give me not one bag of lettuce, but a full box containing twelve bags of it.

So I did what any lady over 40 who no longer feels embarrassment would do, and shamelessly hawked lettuce to everyone I saw for the next eighteen hours. 

I offered it to all the parents picking up their campers after we carpooled home, and when my college daughters had friends over that night I offered it to them, too. 

It's oddly freeing to be able to approach a group of 19-year-old girls and ask without feeling a single reservation, "Hey, can I do a weird mom thing? I have a ton of lettuce, do you want to take some home with you?"

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7 Quick Takes about Lessons in Pets, Backpack Cleanouts, and Fancy Cupcakes

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

My 19-year-old is dog sitting for a friend of ours. She goes over to their house several times a day to walk and play with Ginger, but I’m sure Ginger gets bored being there without her family so my daughter brought her over here for a couple of days to have some more company.

She’s the sweetest dog, and before long I was wondering if I should reconsider my strict “no pets who don’t live in a cage” policy. As time went on, though, Ginger eventually started testing the boundaries, trying to steal food off the counter or get into the trash.

I was kind of glad that the kids got a taste of dog ownership, and it’s not all laughter and tummy rubs. Sometimes it can be exasperating, too. After Ginger went home I asked the kids, "Did you notice how the more comfortable Ginger got here, the naughtier she got?"

"Kind of like us!" my son said. There was a moment of silence and he added, "I shouldn't have said that."

—2—

One thing that drives me crazy is the dreaded “toilet paper shelf.” If you have kids or possibly a husband, you know what I mean. Someone is too lazy to actually dispose of the empty cardboard roll, load a new roll onto the rod, and fit it back into the fixture, and instead just plonks a new roll up on top of the empty one and leaves the bathroom like a sociopath.

Today I went in the bathroom and noted with pleasant surprise that someone had changed the roll. Properly, all the way. 

But the old cardboard roll in the trash can still had a foot of toilet paper on it, which was wasteful and kind of perplexing. It meant that whoever changed the roll could have just used the perfectly good paper that they threw away instead.

I wasn’t sure whether to be upset or happy, so I settled for both and didn’t say anything to anyone.

—3—

I was back asking ChatGPT about time management and logistics again. It gave me some ridiculous sample schedule for my day, so I explained that I usually have to make 6-10 kid pickups or drop offs per day, with each ride lasting anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour, and I don’t get to pick convenient times for any of my kids’ shifts at work, their sports practices, or their best friend’s birthday party. I can’t schedule “craft time” from 10-12 or whatever nonsense it thinks I can do. 

ChatGPT responded: “Thank you, that’s a huge piece of context. You’re not a typical stay-at-home mom; you’re more like a logistics coordinator for a small company that also happens to live in your house.”

Okay, but that’s totally what a stay-at-home mom is. What’s a “typical” stay-at-home mom, ChatGPT? One who spends all day eating bon-bons and watching “90-Day Fiancé”?

—4—

Phillip wants to run a mile in under 5 minutes and he’s been working at it for a while, but is starting to wonder if it’s even possible to do for the first time at 44 years old. So I Googled it, and pulled up a Reddit thread that asked “Am I too old to break a sub-5 mile?”

I scanned the thread and saw lots of guys going on about running-related things that didn’t answer the question, criticizing the OP’s question, other guys coming to his defense, and then more guys attacking the guys who defended him, and guys pointing out small technicalities in other answers they disagreed with.

“What is this?” I asked. “I usually find really helpful answers on Reddit.”

“That’s because it’s all men on this thread,” Phillip said.

“So, this is what happens when you have a bunch of men all mansplaining to each other?”

“Yes! We don’t do that because we think women are stupid, we do that because we think everyone’s stupid.”

That makes sense.

—5—

Usually this happens on the literal first day of summer vacation, but I waited until now to make my kids clean out their backpacks (I’m trying to be a cool mom, not a regular mom, by being chill about their school crap needlessly cluttering up the entryway). 

My 3rd grader pulled some papers out of his folder and said, “This is for a story. I never wrote it but I think I want to write it this summer.”

In case the mustache doesn't give it away, this is the bad guy. And here is his character profile for help writing the story:

Name: Moneyman   Personality: Mean   Like: Robbing Banks   Dislikes: Meat

In particular I want to see how not liking meat is so foundational to his character that it's literally 25% of his personality. Seriously, I've read YA book jackets that didn't get me as interested in the story as this.

—6—

My 13-year-old would make us dessert for after every meal if she could, but I won’t let her, so she settles for making the Family Home Evening treat every week. Family Home Evening is like a weekly family devotional, with a spiritual thought/activity and a treat afterward. This week she asked if she could make cupcakes and I told her sure, but we didn’t have a lesson yet.

“That’s not my specialty,” she shrugged, and went on to make these:

Just your average Monday night cupcakes, nothing special.

She also made cookies for our new next door neighbors. We had to go over there three times before we actually caught them at home to deliver them, we thought we were going to have to just eat the cookies ourselves and make a second batch to try again. Actually, my daughter would have loved that.

—7—

Phillip and I are planning a short belated anniversary trip. We’re designating each of the older kids to be in charge at home for one day, making sure everyone gets food and rides.

"When are you coming back?" My 19-year-old asked us. "Or are you?"

I shrugged. "We planned on being gone for 3 days, but on the last day how about you send me a picture of the state of the kitchen? Put that day's newspaper on the counter so we know it’s current. We'll decide based on the photo."

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7 Quick Takes about Being Waldo, Homeless Bags, and How Kielbasa Is Saving Our Summer

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week? 

—1—

I lead the teenagers at church, and we do weekly activities. We can do anything that interests the girls, really, so we do all kinds of stuff. This week we had a Real Life Where's Waldo activity, and it was so fun.

I got the idea here and the girls thought it sounded like fun. So all the youth group leaders put on disguises and headed to the grocery store where the girls split up into teams and searched for us. 

As I snuck out of the house in my wig and glasses (I didn't want to spoil it for my own teenager if she saw me first) I heard my 11-year-old asking, "Who was that?"

Pretending to shop in the store and hearing the girls scampering around behind us, recognizing their individual voices as they whispered excitedly to each other "How many Waldos are here?" and "Where do you think they are?" was so much fun. They had a really good time, too.

—2—

When I got home, of course all the kids wanted to try on my borrowed wig. When it was my 9-year-old son's turn, he yelled "Hair flip!" and tossed his head to the side like he was trying to get the hair to sweep over his shoulder like girls do.

But it didn't work.

"Hair flip!" he tried again, but he was still unsuccessful. The hair stayed where it was.

Frustrated, he turned to me and demanded, "How do y'all do this?!"

—3—

This week was end-of-school year everything. I helped a friend with her daughter's graduation party, and attended a graduation "clap-off" for my 5th grader.

While we were there, this guy's shirt caught my eye:

First, I love this shirt. Second, I didn't get too close to the woman in the white skirt, just in case.

Today is Phillip's and my anniversary, and I joked that I was going to get him this shirt. He squinted his eyes at the blurry picture and read, "'I love mentally unstable women.' Hey, that's perfect! I've got four of them!" I'm sure that our three daughters would be thrilled to know that they're included, as well.

—4—

Our traditional Father's Day gift is deep cleaning Phillip's car. We vacuum the floors, scrub the seats, wash both sides of the windows, dust the dashboard, and hose off the outside of the car. The car desperately needed all of these things.

Made sense for the younger two to clean the backseat, since they made most of the mess back there.

The 13-year-old was in charge of taking out random pens, water bottles, and other odds and ends that had accumulated in the car. Holding up a big Ziploc bag filled with toiletries and snacks (pictured on top of the car in the picture) she asked, "What's this?"

"That stays in the car," I said. "It's a homeless bag."

At a church activity a few weeks ago, my boys assembled homeless bags to give out to people on the corner asking for help. But apparently that wasn't clear from my answer, because she just said, "Sooo... you're kicking Dad out?"

—5—

Now that we're officially on summer vacation, it's a new kind of crazy. I'm excited that I no longer have to wake kids up for school, but having them home full-time brings its own set of challenges. The calculus involved in sharing 3 vehicles among 8 people becomes more difficult. I spend more time with the kids so my to-do list gets longer every day as things keep getting pushed to tomorrow. And the house is never, ever clean.

I need things in my life that are easy, which is why it's perfect that I came across this wonderful sheet pan meal. I'm obsessed with it and we eat it once a week.

I'm not a food photographer, but trust me, it's delicious. (It's way prettier if you use baby red potatoes but this is what we had in the house.)

—6—

I'm currently watching the Pride and Prejudice BBC miniseries, and I just don't agree with the way they portrayed Mr. Darcy. They "did him dirty," as the kids would say. Why did they make him be so awkward for the first three episodes? 

Nobody in the novel was like, "What misfortune that Darcy should be at this party, he's so peculiar!" He just thought he was too good for everyone and everything and it showed. People thought he was a snob, not a weirdo. 

I think the problem is that the miniseries took out most of Darcy's lines of dialogue, so all that's left for Colin Firth to do is stare with an inappropriate intensity at Elizabeth whenever she's in the room. I know it's supposed to be a smoldering gaze but all I can think of is that scene in Twilight where Bella walks into the classroom and Edward leers at her like he's going to either take off like a rocket ship or vomit:

I'm sorry I just compared Pride and Prejudice to Twilight. I didn't mean it, honest. I guess I just really prefer the novel to the screen adaptation. (Also, I kept watching and discovered that Mr. Darcy suddenly becomes more normal in the fourth episode so there's that.)

—7—

Having all three of my older kids work at the same place is amazing. Already this summer, there have been so many times when one has a conflict so they just talk among themselves and trade shifts, share the car for rides, or brings the other their forgotten glasses/wallet/Chapstick when they come in later that day. Sometimes Sibling A works in the morning, and when Sibling B drives there in the afternoon they just hand off the keys and it comes home with Sibling A 30 minutes later. It's great. Also, it's the only way this car-sharing scheme can work for a whole summer. Wish us luck.

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